


A Break

by SeveralSmallHedgehogs



Series: Soft Mighty Nein [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Episode 89, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Obann mention, Platonic Relationships, caduceus's 20 Wis, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22044289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeveralSmallHedgehogs/pseuds/SeveralSmallHedgehogs
Summary: After the fight with the champion, while everyone else is still celebrating, Yasha sits outside a tavern for some peace and quiet. Caduceus joins her.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Yasha, The Mighty Nein & Yasha
Series: Soft Mighty Nein [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1502960
Comments: 3
Kudos: 99





	A Break

Midway through the evening, Yasha wanders out of the bar to sit on the ground outside. Rexxentrum, the capital of it Dwendalian empire, one of the biggest cities she’d ever seen, is never really quiet. She’s noticed that the sound doesn’t ever stop. There’s always something happening—the night watch calling the hour, noise from distant wagons and murmurs in alleys and raucous laughter from the tavern at her back. She can hear Nott screech something, and then Jester’s bubbly reply. Beau yells, and Yasha smiles.

It’s quieter out here, at least. She enjoys the quiet. Time was, when she got tired of the noise, she could count on finding Caleb sitting in a corner somewhere. But he’s sitting at the table between Beau and Jester and he didn’t seem like he was going to leave anytime soon. He seemed to be enjoying himself.

So, she came out here. Alone. And she tries not to feel as if the rest of the Nein has kept moving without her. Because they have, haven’t they? They kept looking for her, yes, but they’re just slightly different than they had been when she left with Obann. They’ve changed just enough for her to notice it and just enough for her to feel terribly, horribly left behind. She’s only changed in that there was more blood on her hands than ever before. The scholars at the Cobalt Soul. People on the road. Her own friends.

The fight felt… good. But not a clean sort of good, like when Nott gave her that hat, or when Jester painted her that mural. The fight with the champion felt bloody. Stained. She’d looked into the eyes of that woman and she’d _scared_ her. Big, bad Yasha. There had been a sort of grim satisfaction to it at the time, but the victory had soured by the time the healer brought her back to consciousness. Big, bad Yasha, hurting people without even trying. She’d tried to wash the bad taste out of her mouth with a few drinks, but it hadn’t worked.

Which leaves her here, taking deep, slow breaths and leaning back against the cold stone wall of the tavern. She closes her eyes and listens, picking out her friend’s voices from the rest. Counting off. One, two, three, four, five, six. All safe. All accounted for. She hasn’t lost anyone else that she loves.

The door opens, and the noise and light spills out into the street. She glances over and sees a familiar figure standing outside the tavern, turning and spotting her just as she realizes who it is.

“Yasha,” says Caduceus, smiling. “Mind if I join you? It’s getting pretty loud in there.”

“Go ahead.” Yasha gestures to the ground beside her.

Caduceus ambles over and lowers himself to the ground, letting out a deep sigh as he settles against the wall and crosses his legs. He shifts his shoulders against the stones and puts his head back. “Oh, that feels good.”

“Yeah.” Yasha nods.

They sit in silence for a moment. She’s still hurting from her fight. The scratches aren’t there anymore, though she can still feel where they were, little lines of buzzing pain. Her ribs ache. She starts to straighten out her legs, but something twinges in her side and she pauses and grits her teeth.

Caduceus looks at her. Then he lifts one hand and puts in on her shoulder, and she thinks for a moment that he’s going to use another healing spell on her. Before she can decide whether to reject it, she realizes that he hasn’t cast anything. He just pats her shoulder twice, and then withdraws his hand and puts it in his lap.

Yasha looks at the ground. Neither of them speak. It feels good to just… sit. She appreciates that Caduceus doesn’t seem to feel the need to fill silence. There are… a good number of people in this group who seem to feel that. Caleb, for one. Beau and Fjord seem to be learning its value, as well. Seem to have learned its value already. While she was gone.

And then she’s back in that pit again. She squeezes her eyes shut, focusing on the ache from her injuries. She clenches her fists, feels her fingernails bite into her palm, and then relaxes her hand. She takes a deep breath and lets it out.

After a very long time, Caduceus speaks up. “I won’t act like I know what you’re going through,” he says. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like. But… can I make a request?”

She takes a breath before she responds. “Go ahead.”

“…Don’t do that again. Please.” He glances at her. “What you did in the fighting ring. Letting people hurt you… won’t undo any hurt you might have caused others. And in the meantime, it forces the… the people who care about you to just watch you hurt yourself.”

Yasha exhales. “I know,” she murmurs. “I just… didn’t know what else to do, I suppose.”

He makes a low sound that might be an acknowledgement. “You might try bouncing some ideas off of the rest of us, next time.”

She wants to refute that, but she doesn’t have anything to say. It makes sense. But she doesn’t want to involve them in her problems. They already helped her get away from Obann. She should be able to do the rest by herself. And in the meantime… she can try to figure out how to fit into this group again. At the moment, that seems like a heavy task all on its own.

As if he hears her thoughts, Caduceus speaks up again. “I know it’s easy to… lose step, I guess. Especially with people who move as fast as they do. I’ve stumbled a few times. But…” He pauses to think. “But, once you pick it up again, and… once you feel ready, we’ll all be happy to have you back.”

Now Yasha does look at him. He’s not smiling, but his expression is soft. He sighs again. Then he gets to his feet and looks back down at her. “Are you coming back in?”

She turns her head to gaze out at the street again. “In a little bit,” she replies softly.

He nods. “Take as much time as you need.” He moves off and opens the door, and Yasha lifts her head a little.

“Caduceus?”

He pauses and looks back at her.

“…I’ll see you inside.”

He smiles, gives another nod, and then steps through the door.

Yasha puts her head back and takes another long, slow breath, preparing to rejoin her friends.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want Yasha to be ok, you guys
> 
> EDIT
> 
> I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this series, thank you for the kind comments and tags and everything. It makes me happy to hear that I'm doing good work


End file.
